Product

New VANDAL Hat Flavors

October 22, 2014
VANDALrgz

In Australia spring has just starting, while for a lot of the rest of the poloverse, the cold rainy season has set in. Why can’t we live like we’re down under?!? Thank to VANDALrgz and their 5 brand new floral print hats, you can feel like you’re on spring break forever.

Pick one up, oh hell, go pick one of each print up, by following this link HERE!

Video

Control vs Break Up – WHBPC2014

October 21, 2014

To help you get through a long and boring hump day, here is a great video from Mr. Do of Control from San Francisco taking on Break Up from the UK at the 2014 World Hardcourt Bike Polo Championship in Montpelier, France. Enjoy!

Stories

Bike Polo Players: Horror Movie Survivalists

October 20, 2014

Starting around September 30th and continuing until November 5th or so (up to December 25th if we’re talking Nightmare Before Christmas) I begin my yearly feast of monster movies. Old black and white Dracula, horror films from last year–comedy, slashers, down-right horrifying…it doesn’t matter. I’ll watch it all and give myself the hibbidy jibbidys to a point where walking down my hall to pee in the middle of the night becomes an obstacle course between my imagination and my rational mind.

So now that I’m in the thick of it, I naturally began blending this rather large part of my life into the rest of my life (the rest of my life being polo, I guess).

If you think about it–and I’m so very sure you think about it all the time–you’ll see how bike polo is preparing us for a horror film. Well, okay not for a horror film, but for a horror-film like situation. If we just take a few hand chosen examples (which naturally lend themselves to what I’m saying here), you’ll come to find that it makes.perfect.sense.

dontZombies (The Walking Dead): With the new episodes on Netflix I started back up in watching this series, and it’s frankly startling how little folks use bicycles! Sure, there is the good sheriff in the beginning who steals the bike from that poor legless zombie woman, but outside of that I’ve yet to see anyone else pedaling around. I think the survivors of the zombie apocalypse will be small packs of panicked survivors and a huge gang of bike polo players who are LOVING the amount of places they have to play.

For one, our cardio is higher than most people (which, as evidenced by Zombieland, is a very important factor). Furthermore, we’re used to hitting things while on the bike, and I do believe an XT Mallet with a capped mallet head could really do enough damage to a rotting skull to see us steer clear of real trouble.

If nothing else, our general smell and look would confuse the zombies, buying us extra time and comfort in knowing that we could pass as one of them.

Vampires : just slap a wooden stake on the end of your mallet and you’ve got a new game that bike polo players would excel at. Well, most of us. I wouldn’t. But then I’d be a vampire anyway so I don’t see how I’d really be losing. I’d be an adorable vampire.

Jason: Dude is so slow. Really you could just assign a few bike polo players to circle around him all day with GPS on so everyone else could know where he is. PLUS he might stop being so murderous if he was surrounded by people who also wore facemasks in non-facemask situations.

trolls2Trolls (2): Let’s just think about how perfectly ready bike polo players would be if the events which occurred in Trolls 2 ever came to pass:

1. A good percentage of bike polo players are vegan, so the whole green-milk-that-turns-you-to-plants wouldn’t work, because milk.

2. Trolls are vegetarians, lots of bike polo players are vegetarians. Instant brother and sisterhood.

3. We could easily bike out of the ONE SINGLE TOWN INHABITED BY TROLLS

The one problem is that the only way to save yourself is a double decker bologna sandwich, which would kinda backfire for some of us.

Snot piccary Clowns: nope nope nope nope nope nope nope.

 

Really, thinking about how bike polo is saving us from being the character that immediately gets eaten/sliced in half adds yet another layer to love. I encourage you–no, implore you–to watch your next monster movie with this in mind: how would your vast bike polo arsenal see you through.